At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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