The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
