He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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