i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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