college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
