Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
