so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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