First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
