my vag is so smooth its legendary
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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