My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
