$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
