Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
