I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
