6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
