Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
