Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
