I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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