dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
