a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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