went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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