Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
