He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
