I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
