never play flip cup with pint glasses
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
