if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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