when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
