how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
