So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize