I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
