Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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