i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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