Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
