You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize