tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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