dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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