I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
