nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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