Will you blow on my dice?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
