i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
