I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
