If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
