So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
