plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We left the knife in your bed.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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