THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
