Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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