he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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