why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
