i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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