i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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