Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
