I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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