so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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