just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
