I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
