i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Boobs speak an international language.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
