He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
