Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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