yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
