u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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