do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize