Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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