tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
