you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
