They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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