I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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